Child birth is messy. The physical act of pushing a tiny human out of your nether regions is not something you can fully describe to someone who has not been through it themselves.
However, I was quite lucky in that contractions started fast and I had a baby in my arms within about five hours. The second time was even faster, taking a grand total of about three.
No matter how many books you read, or peoples advice you heed, nothing prepares you for being a mother.
For me, I gave myself over to them. I don’t think it is talked about much, but it’s something I’ve felt very keenly over the past five years or so. The fact that you give your soul over to your children. You do get it back, piece by piece as they get older and more independent, but it’s something you don’t realise happens and it can take a toll on you.
It certainly has taken it’s toll on me. I don’t want to sound ungrateful because I have two beautiful children whom I adore to the ends of the Earth, but it’s hard work suddenly having living beings who you are solely responsible for from the moment they take their first breath.
I know they are individuals, but it’s almost like they are an extension of you and it’s often difficult to separate yourself.
I want them to grow up feeling loved, and become the best people they can be and although there are other people in the picture who do have input into this, I still feel that I have a huge responsibility to nurture them and help them become incredible people.
That responsibility is sometimes overwhelming especially if you think that perhaps that is your purpose on this planet – to ensure that they turn out well and perhaps THEY are the ones to change the world, not you.
That’s a scary thought for me sometimes, and this role I do not take lightly, yet I often wonder if I’m up for the task. Time will tell, but I just want to say sometimes it’s scary having this responsibility and nothing can totally prepare you for it.
I’m not going to get all gushy and say the rewards are worth it, my story (which is not really a story, more of an insight) is about the moment you realise your life will never be the same.
I often look at my kids and wonder if they are more clued in on things than I am. That they are in fact here to teach me something. And let me tell you, I’m an avid student.
Every day they fill me with wonder, every day I am put through an emotional roller coaster, every day I discover something new about myself because of them.
I am so grateful that they are in my life because this journey continues to be an adventure, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.